For some people, self love may already be a redundant, worn-out topic, but for some of us, it still seems like an ever-mystical quest with an elusive treasure we're not quite sure we will ever find.
Back to the Basics
I think a lot of us know what self love is or have at least heard of it, but I'm not quite sure we truly understand it. So let's break it down.
Dear reader,
The art of "loving oneself" used to be hard for me to grasp. And it still is at times. It's tricky trying to balance treating yourself right while not being self centered. But there are a few things I've realized about human beings and and I would like to share my thoughts with you.
Let's go back to the definition of the word. Generally speaking, "love" means "a feeling of deep affection/care for something" and "self" means "a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others." So the term, "self love," means caring for your being and what makes you different from others. It means embracing your differences and treating yourself as if you would someone you loved or cared about! And when you love someone, you care for their well being or happiness
Now this does not mean indulging in selfish behaviors. The words mean regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic). . .
Can I share a personal story with you? So I'm 4'11 right? I'm nearly a legal midget, and I weigh 120 pounds so I'm not the skinniest thing on this planet. But I'm not overweight at all. I am a healthy size for my height, but I am on the "well-endowed" side of things. I always had really tall friends growing up. I know what you're probably thinking, everyone is tall to me. But my best friend was 5'7, and all of my other friends were either 5'6-510 ranges and most of my guy friends were over six feet. So I always got teased but also got special privileges sometimes. Well, I liked being short for a while because I had heard that tall boys like short girls, and since I love tall boys, I thought it was an advantage. But it turns out that most tall guys don't even notice me because I'm THAT short. When they stare straight ahead, I'm not even in their line of sight. So that I would not say is an advantage.
I had read article after article about "accepting your faults," and "loving even your non-existen thigh gap," but I never quite understood them or how to even start loving myself. Until I realized something.
I don't know how many times I dreamed of being taller and thinner, and not so curvy. I had to wear well-fitted clothes, NEVER anything straight cut or the slightest big baggy or else I looked wider and chubbier than I was.
I don't know how many times I tried a new diet because I wanted my thighs to be as skinny as my friends so I could wear the same types of jeans as them, but I would always end up giving up because no matter how healthy I ate, my bone and hip structure does not allow for a thigh gap.
I know I know, typical teenage girl sob story right? Well, I'm just saying that I was extremely unhappy with my body for many years. And then one day, I wondered why I was punishing myself?
Not all girls are short, so I should embrace it. Instead of wanting to be taller, why don't I list all the reasons being short rocks and take advantage of the attention it gets me? And not all girls have the butt and boobs (mind my language) that I have, so why not dress for my body type and be confident in the way my body looks?
Instead of straightening my hair everyday, I would leave it curly and braid it and embrace the curls because they were MINE.
Start With This Exercise
And here are some basic steps for everyone. You can tweak them to fit you.
The first activity I want you to do is take a notebook and write down all your beliefs about yourself. This is when you have to be completely and painfully honest to yourself. It does not good to lie about how you feel about where you’re at or who you are as a person.
Ways we damage our image of our self worth.
Here is an activity I want you to do for one week:
Every time you notice you have a negative thought or are talking to yourself negatively whether that
Clark Swain, Ph.D, in his article entitled, “Others tell me I need to love myself. Yet how do I do this properly without being conceited?”says, “If you truly love yourself, you will remember that you are a physical, mental, and spiritual being.”
The Next Step On the Path
Here are the next basic steps I've put together to help get you started in the direction of complete self love. I want you to start with one or two and then once you get those down, to move on to the others.
Make a List of Things You Love About Yourself
This is about your personality, physique, and any other attributes you like about yourself. If you don't have one for each category, be patient with yourself and maybe wait to see if one comes to mind.
1. Be Grateful
Talk to Yourself Only as You Would to a Friend. This has to do with changing your inner dialogue, or the way you talk to yourself in your head.
Turn Outward. This is a key step. If you are always focused on yourself and your own problems and worries, you will never be satisfied with your life. This is also exhausting and makes it hard for us to have energy for anything else, which makes us get discouraged, which starts the whole vicious cycle over again. But have hope! When you are feeling down about yourself, go do something for a family member, friend, or acquaintance. I PROMISE you that you will feel better about yourself and those little flaws about you won't seem so big afterwards. Turning outward is how we increase love for others, which then increases love for ourselves. Serving others and being mindful of others also is proven to raise self esteem. Remember: this does not mean forgetting yourself and your life and appearance completely, rather taking care of your appearance, physical health, and mental health so you are able to give of yourself to others.
Be Patient With Yourself. I think this is the most important one on the list! Remember, self love and self development is a process, not a one-time event.
Since I am a perfectionist, I don't like to admit that I . . .
Also, be forgiving of yourself. It's okay to have a bad day, fail a test, or have a bad hair day. It is part of life. Sometimes my hair looks on point and sometimes it doesn't.
A Last . . .
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